Little Pink Starfish

When I had just begun my regression, I thought good music and a good stage were synonymous.

I also thought that if you consistently delivered good music and good stages, album sales would inevitably trend upward.

Now, I know.

Show business doesn’t work that simply.

But back then, that’s what I believed, and I still don’t think those beliefs were useless.

Thanks to that process, I became who I am now.

In the end, I became someone who creates the best stage with the best music.

With that thought, I glanced back at Dave Logan, who was cheerfully playing the guitar from the right rear.

Unlike when he complained that hip-hop was boring because of the repetitive riffs, he looked absolutely thrilled.

That’s the attitude of a top-tier musician.

Whatever they might think offstage, they give their all when they’re on it.

…Or not?

Come to think of it, he looked like that even when I tried to break his habit by making him play second guitar and just scratch chords.

The thought didn’t continue.

Because the band’s music burst out faster than the speed of my thoughts.

To some, it might have sounded too rock-oriented for the final of a hip-hop competition.

But that’s all just prejudice.

The union of bands and rap has a long history.

In the late 1980s, the meeting of Run-D.M.C. and Aerosmith changed culture. In the early 2000s, the collaboration between Linkin Park and Jay-Z turned people’s tastes upside down.

Whether it’s rock sound or gospel sound, as long as the drums are looped and the rhyme matches, I think it’s rap music.

Whether it’s rap-rock or rock-rap, let the critics argue that out.

Our job is just to get the crowd hyped.

So I poured rap into GOTM’s funky performance.

The title of this song is <Always Like That>.

Translated into Korean, it’d be something like “늘 그런 식.”

It’s a story about how I, and how we, have lived.

I’ve always been like that
Behind the glory of the past
My friends, play that
Lay it down on the Billboard

I know that no one can understand what I’m saying.

I know that no one in this world knows how long I spent with GOTM.

All the glory I recorded is in the past.

I dug it up like rummaging through an old album, laid GOTM’s play over it, and bombarded the Billboard—but that too is now in the past.

There’s no one to witness this.

That used to be really painful.

But strangely, this time it doesn’t matter.

No, it’s starting not to matter.

I don’t know why, but maybe I’ll find out once this stage ends.

So the first verse of this song was about me and GOTM.

Others might think it’s about Sedalbaekil.

We’ve always been like that
With a fitting rhythm
Add a sprinkle of laughter
And it became a legendary hit

To be honest, I always blamed others.

It was natural that my teammates couldn’t do as much as I could.

I’m a regressor. They’re not.

Even so, I had to curse at my teammates every time we failed.

Because otherwise, I couldn’t endure it.

My skills were already perfected, and any hope for a better future could only come from others.

So thoughts like, “If I had met better teammates, I would have succeeded,” and “Maybe I’ll meet better teammates in the next round,” were the only hope I had to cling to.

Therefore…

GOTM were the ones who extinguished my light.

You’ve always been like that
Once you saw the moon I pointed at
You let go of doubt
And ran with all your might

Because GOTM were just too good.

In personality, in skill, in combination—perfect.

They even had more than average levels of ambition.

GOTM wasn’t a team formed in just a round or two.

There were countless member changes, and depending on the combination, we even brought back those we’d excluded in previous lives.

Even the total number of members changed.

Sometimes it was four, sometimes six, once even considered seven.

But we cut one right before debut, so we never had seven.

And that’s how we got this perfect combination.

Andrew Gunn, Dave Logan, John Sky, Steve Ripgren.

I couldn’t imagine meeting better teammates than them.

That’s why, when I had to accept GOTM’s failure, it was incredibly painful.

Painful enough to abandon all the experience and foundation I’d built in the U.S. and come to Korea.

Painful enough to challenge the “damn idol” concept I’d hated so much.

So it was always like that
Leaving everything behind
And even if we part someday
A smile will remain

That’s how I abandoned GOTM.

I tried hard not to get sentimental and tried to think only of their talent whenever they came to mind.

I never really concretely thought or spoke about the memories I had with them.

Regression always meant severing from the past.

Can’t I at least take care of those I was close to in a previous life?

Can’t I help them do well once I succeed?

I’ve had such soft thoughts before too.

But I’ve formed teams with over a hundred musicians so far, and the ones I was close with must be over a thousand.

Those who helped in my album credits number over ten thousand, and fans who sincerely supported me are countless.

If I can’t help them all, I thought it was right to sever everything.

Because that’s what a regressor’s memories are.

If I’m the only one who remembers, it’s not a memory. It’s a delusion.

But in this life, I ended up helping GOTM.

It started from a light whim, and now it’s something that happened out of impulse.

Why did that happen?

Maybe the answer isn’t within me.

Maybe it’s with the four men riding the lift next to the band right now.

Sedalbaekil.

They’ll fill the stage with their chorus choreography and vocals.

As they appeared, people screamed.

---

Choi Jaesung standing on stage felt a tangle of emotions.

The first was that Sion-hyung seemed a bit strange.

It was really rare for that hyung’s emotions to be so visible.

But now, you could see his emotions shaking.

The second was that he was out of breath.

Maybe because it had been a while since he danced on stage, but he was more out of breath than usual.

Even though he wasn’t singing like the other hyungs.

The third emotion was…

Choi Jaesung smirked.

‘Forget it.’

Yeah, it’s all a lie.

The only real emotion Choi Jaesung was feeling was one.

Regret.

Regret that he couldn’t sing even though he was on stage.

That regret was overflowing.

After his throat recovered, he tried singing in the practice room and realized.

It was no longer possible to sing like before.

But strangely, it hadn’t felt real.

It was nothing new for him to be worse than others at singing.

Even during Coming Up Next, he had admired Sion-hyung, was amazed by Onsaemiro-hyung, and envied Taehwan-hyung’s transformation.

After Coming Up Next ended, he was jealous of Eon-hyung’s growth.

So he didn’t feel anything particularly different.

He was always the underdog.

Wouldn’t everything work out over time?

Absurdly, that optimistic thought came to him.

But now.

He realized completely.

That he could no longer sing like before.

Maybe Sion-hyung brought him on stage just to show him that.

To wake him up.

To tell him it’s never going back to how it was.

‘Man… You’re so consistent.’

He’s not that different from when he said, “You were the worst at Seoul Town Funk.”

But his heart behind saying it must have changed.

Back then, it was a simple fact. Now, it holds comfort.

That this isn’t the end.

That you can still shine in another way.

That you can feel it in the air, humidity, and heat of this stage.

Sion-hyung was sending that message with his back.

To rap.

Before he realized it, all other thoughts disappeared and Choi Jaesung focused on dancing.

At first, he had shrunk because of the perfect chorus created by the Sedalbaekil members.

It felt like he had no place.

But maybe it’s okay?

He had always been worse than his hyungs.

This is just like starting over.

But, well…

‘Maybe I’ll get better.’

Just like always.

---

The first verse was about GOTM and me.

The first chorus was entirely Sedalbaekil’s part.

But a Sedalbaekil without me.

In the early days of regression, I didn’t show it, but I still felt like I belonged to GOTM.

The second verse was about Sedalbaekil and me.

Come to think of it, it’s kind of funny.

All my life I’d formed teams with people I chose myself, but not this time.

I hadn’t expected to become so tight with people I met by chance.

So the final chorus was for me and Sedalbaekil.

It was like a miniature of a Sedalbaekil album chorus.

Goo Taehwan opened, Eon-hyung carried it, Onsaemiro and I took the highlight.

So for a hip-hop song, the chorus was quite long.

In terms of pure length, it was almost equal to a verse.

But well, that’s the trend in Billboard rap songs these days.

It’s not that strange.

If you dissect it, <Always Like That> is a pretty chaotic composition.

It starts with an a cappella intro, breaks open with a band sound, and then brings in an idol group’s chorus.

Lyrically too.

To those who don’t know anything, verse 1 talks about a deep bond, while verse 2 talks about slowly growing close.

So to listeners who think this is all about Sedalbaekil and Han Sion, the timeline might feel wrong.

But this time, I prioritized my impulse over the listeners.

This song is the story I wanted to tell.

And…

-Kyaaaaaaaaa!

-Wooooowwwww!

Isn’t the song just killer?

Maybe it’s complicated and messy when you analyze it like a critic, but the stage? Absolutely not.

In fact, it’s a composition that doesn’t let you breathe for a single second.

And just like that, my Show Me stage ended.

Sorry to Xavie, but my victory was decided long ago.

The star power that Saoi and Han Sion possess makes it so.

So what I could do was help Xavie reach the conclusion: “Yeah, I obviously lost.”

And I think I did a pretty good job of that.

While the audience votes were being tallied after my stage ended, I imagined the comments.

-Dude are you serious? GOTM???

-lol what a damn cheat code

-I mean, calling them out is one thing, but having them as the actual backing band??? insane lol

-Sedalbaekil were basically backup dancers outside the chorus parts

-It was nice to see Jaesung again

Wouldn’t people say things like that?

While I was thinking that, the voting ended, and the results were announced.

“The winner is…! Saoi!”

Of course there wasn’t going to be a twist.

The MC asked for a winner’s speech and what I planned to do next.

Hm, now that I think about it, I have a Masked Singer recording tomorrow.

The shoot is at 2 p.m., so maybe I should take the rest of today off?

“For now, I’m going to relax and enjoy the victory.”

It was a moment when Show Me, which started unexpectedly but turned out far more fun than expected, came to a close.