Little Pink Starfish

Fragrant flowers were blooming everywhere, scattering in all directions and vanishing into nothingness upon touching the ground. A wisp of light smoke wafted through the air like incense, and through it, several women in colourful attire floated gracefully towards the scene, their figures as ethereal as fog, dancing like fairies. Behind them emerged eight exquisite young women carrying a soft sedan chair adorned with white gauze curtains, obscuring a beautiful figure within; elegant and elusive, an unattainable treasure.

Instant surprise echoed throughout the room:

“Such formidable power! Those flowers are clearly formed from Wu Qi!”

“Who are these women? Their demeanour is extraordinary!”

“I recognize them! They’re with Princess Tianxiang!”

“It’s Princess Tianxiang who has arrived!”

A wave of astonishment swept through the crowd. Even experts above the Wu Wang realm couldn’t withhold their admiration upon seeing the women, turning their eyes towards the allusively beautiful shadow in the soft sedan.

Gu Bai: Damn! Where did these aliens come from, who are even more ostentatious than me? He thought for a moment. Ah, it’s Princess Tianxiang! She’s the main consort of the perverted protagonist… Main consort… Consort… Consort… right? Gu Bai silently looked up and touched his nose, reminiscing.

Princess Tianxiang was indeed a royal princess, both highly esteemed and favoured by the King. She was princess of the nation which Haoyang city and Qingtian Academy resided in. She was the most powerful among the protagonist’s harem, capable of suppressing all the other girls. As for her martial power… She should have been at the Wu Di level when she first encountered the protagonist, but because of the dishevelled plotline, she was only at the peak of Wu Wang. 

Princess Tianxiang was peerless in beauty and status. She was one of the most outstanding figures in the entire harem; she was a proud woman, but her demeanour was gentle. A man who couldn’t overpower her could never become her husband, but once she was subdued, she would become the most virtuous wife. When Gu Bai was contemplating the protagonist’s eventual conquer of thousands of beauties, he had first thought of this character.

— Every loser dreams of a princess.

— Every loser hopes his wife won’t compete or be jealous.

— Every loser wants to conquer all the beauties without stirring trouble in the harem.

— Every loser wishes to be free from worries while pursuing women.*

Princess Tianxiang was created to embody the loser’s will.

_{*[T/N: Sounds hard, you should try being gay instead.]}

She was the princess of the most powerful martial kingdom; her martial prowess was only a notch below the protagonist. She didn’t mind the protagonist having countless women; she would settle all the disputes in the harem, ensuring they didn’t interfere with the protagonist. She was gentle and virtuous, capable of both managing a household and attending court.* She was noble, graceful, stunningly beautiful, and completely devoted to the protagonist. In short, she was the perfect woman and wife, indispensable to the protagonist’s harem.

_{*[T/N: Imperial court not a court of law like I hoped.]}

In the modern world, when Princess Tianxiang first appeared in Gu Bai’s novel, the comment section was full of howls and passionate essays, artfully expressing their adoration. The essays were well received by others, some had countless likes, and some were even pinned for easy access; the unprecedented response of unity under one cause changed the novel’s comment section forever.

The tangible Princess Tianxiang had then appeared, and her entrance was nothing short of magnificent, surpassing the limits of the words that created her.

Gu Bai quietly observed the chains on his wrists, feeling a little inferior. God damn it, I’m the cold and noble beauty pageant runner-up!

Princess Tianxiang descended from the sedan. Her slender figure was clad in a magnificent red palace gown, and she wore an exquisitely ornate crown, encrusted with eighty-one small round pearls balanced around nine larger ones in the centre. The adornments sparkled brilliantly, drawing in the gazes of the crowd. Such extravagant attire would normally overshadow the person beneath, but in the case of Princess Tianxiang, the royal garments merely accentuated her unique beauty, including the veil that covered her face.

Those in the hall with weaker self-control uncontrollably gulped at the sight. Even some Wu Di level experts couldn’t prevent their awe from showing on their faces. The pinnacle of beauty in the spiritual martial world, a peerless vision of grace and splendour that was infinitely rare, stood before them.

Gu Bai: …What a bunch of pigs. He glanced towards Qi Guanrui and, as expected, saw him staring at Princess Tianxiang. He recalled the original plot; when the perverted protagonist saw the princess for the first time, he had an uncontrollable urge*. At first glance, the situation didn’t seem much different. Is this the heroine that will save me?! _{*[T/N: Probably to do a cartwheel, I get that a lot.]}

Qi Guanrui abruptly turned towards Gu Bai and whispered in his ear, “Gege, what are you thinking about, looking so happy?” He chuckled lightly. “This Princess Tianxiang is quite beautiful, isn’t she?”

Gu Bai nodded. Of course, she was undoubtedly beautiful.

In Gu Bai’s original outline for the novel where friendship was the key to victory, Ziche Shubai was the epitome of male beauty, and Princess Tianxiang, as his only confidant, was the epitome of female beauty. However, when the story was rewritten and Ziche Shubai became cannon fodder, the role of Princess Tianxiang was changed to the protagonist’s grand wife, a beauty unparalleled.

While lost in thought, a sudden sharp pain forced Gu Bai to return to the present. Damn it, you bit my earlobe! Can you be more mindful of the occasion, you perverted freak?!

Qi Guanrui licked his lips and spoke in a calm and quiet tone that could only mean danger. “Gege, don’t say things that will upset me.”

Gu Bai: “……” What did I say to provoke this delicate nerve of yours?! I can’t deal with you!

Qi Guanrui shifted his gaze away, his expression dimming slightly. “Gege, you only need to praise me. As for everyone else, I don’t want you to look at them.”

Gu Bai was at a loss. “…You don’t think she’s beautiful?”

Qi Guanrui nodded nonchalantly. “She’s acceptable.” He noticed Gu Bai’s confusion and smiled innocently, “Gege, do you want a child?”

Gu Bai was even more confused. What does that even mean? Logically speaking, he was supposed to find a woman to bear heirs for the city, but since the protagonist would probably destroy the world soon, he didn’t think it was necessary. He shook his head.

Qi Guanrui seemed relieved with a hint of disappointment.

Gu Bai suddenly had a chilling thought. Could it be that this guy doesn’t want Princess Tianxiang for himself, but rather wants her to bear my children? Wait, can the pervert even be this considerate? This seems out of character!

Qi Guanrui wasn’t interested in letting Gu Bai produce offspring with some woman. He wouldn’t let anyone to look at Gu Bai, let alone allow Princess Tianxiang to get close to him. He was just thinking: Should I get Princess Tianxiang to bear a child that combines my and Ziche Shubai’s blood, so he has to devote himself to me? Qi Guanrui learnt from his inherited memories that the Sky-Devouring Serpent couldn’t easily produce offspring due to its overwhelming strength. If it wanted offspring, the mother often had to sacrifice her life in the process. Therefore, the Sky-Devouring Serpent rarely used its own lovers to conceive children but sought out women with exceptional bloodlines to bear its offspring—the women were only vessels, while the serpent would combine its own and the lover’s  blood to conceive. His memories of this method only used female partners, but who said it couldn’t be used for males?

After Gu Bai rejected him, however, Qi Guanrui quickly let go of the idea. In truth, he didn’t want a child that had Ziche Shubai’s blood. Everything that belonged to Ziche Shubai should only belong to Qi Guanrui alone, so he preferred not to use Ziche Shubai’s blood to bind them together. Fortunately, Gu Bai didn’t want children, so Qi Guanrui would have to think of another way.

Gu Bai saw that Qi Guanrui had lost interest with the topic, so he turned his attention back to the event. The silence that was caused by Princess Tianxiang’s appearance was broken. The sounds of people gasping resonated through the hall, which Princess Tianxiang and her maidens seemed to take in stride, completely unaffected. The host was also stunned, even having heard of Princess Tianxiang’s beauty, he had confirmed the rumours to be undeniably true! He quickly regained his composure and began to arrange Princess Tianxiang’s seating. Of course, her seat couldn’t be near some filthy men, so he immediately organised a separate, quiet area for her, placing other women from the martial world nearby.

Princess Tianxiang walked gracefully to her seat, while her maidens swiftly arranged cushions, sprayed fragrance, and hung colourful silk. In just a few minutes, everything was spotless and fragrant. Princess Tianxiang then sat down, maintaining a serene and composed posture. With such a breathtaking beauty at the helm, the men in the audience became even more energized. As expected, the previously orderly Python-Slaying Tournament had descended into chaos.

Every “pig” in the crowd wanted to show off their strength and prove their martial prowess was the highest. They all engaged in grand speeches, hoping to catch the beautiful princess’s attention, blushing while spouting nonsensical things, not caring whether they had anything constructive to say.

The host, seeing that the atmosphere was more energetic, was quite pleased and so continued his duties, recording the meeting’s discussions thoroughly—he had to keep detailed records for his superior, the lord of Haoyang City. His notes would detail how to organize the fight against the giant serpent, which tactics to use, who would take the lead, who would scout, who would attack and who would flank, and so on. And, of course, how to divide the spoils once the serpent was defeated.

In the midst of the noise, Princess Tianxiang’s voice rang out, “Everyone,” Instantly, the entire room fell silent, and every “pig” had turned their gaze toward Princess Tianxiang.

Gu Bai, who had been listening to the endless praises of her beauty and nonsensical babbling of the “heroes,” was quite relieved to hear her voice. He looked towards Princess Tianxiang as she spoke melodiously.

“I’ve heard that a demonic python has appeared here, and I wish to take it as a pet. I wonder if any of you would be willing to help fulfill my wish?”

***

Pinky says: FUCK! IT’S A WOMAN! OVER THERE! IN THE CORNER! GET IT! WHACK IT WITH YOUR SHOE! GROSS! IT’LL GIVE US COOTIES! IF WE LEAVE IT MORE WILL COME!

I feel sorry for QGR, trying to teach someone who has ADHD is hard.

A- a 

D- stupid 

H- fucking 

D- idiot

I’m not wishing anyone a Merry Christmas, Jesus has no place in this website.

I thought I would mention that I re-translated these last six chapters because the quality of the ones that were available were abysmal, and basically I wanted to show off my top notch editing and writing.

My effort is certainly superfluous, and I just want you all to know that this is the top quality shit I’m dealing here, worth every piece of tanbark.

Oh and I didn’t upload this yesterday because I started writing a note that evolved into a fucked up story and its very stupid but goes into so much depth about the stupid, I love it, its so me. It’s set in a universe that exists solely because I was trying to make fun of the way that women are treated in translated boys love novels. I was just going to do a long joke about what a super exaggerated male gaze would turn out like, but I took it way too far. It now has solid lore. As a snippet, the females are a separate species who seemingly exist solely for men and grow in the ground like crops. They have bodies that evolved in really weird ways, like they have only three organs, they have their own male genitalia but it’s hidden in plain sight and they have three modes, Natural, Car and Danger. Danger mode is where I started with this story it’s super messed up. I can’t wait to make someone read it.