Little Pink Starfish

When I was young, I used to think that everything in this world might be a mathematical formula.

For example, I would rush outside, pick up a rough, bumpy stone, hold it in my hand, and look around. I felt that if I rubbed it hard enough against something just as hard and crude, numbers might start pouring out.

Because the world had such clear answers.

<Oh? And what would that be?>

At the sudden voice, I turned my head. Standing next to me, The Star Hated by All looked down at me with a sly smile. As for me, I had just left Geahrzimen’s guesthouse with Star earlier that morning. I had agreed to Star’s suggestion of taking a walk, and we were wandering aimlessly through the forest path.

“Well, it’s a bit embarrassing to say if you ask me like that…”

I said with a smile. The being I was facing was the King of Hell and the Original Sinner. A being whose proud display of flies was completely incomprehensible from a mortal’s perspective.

What use was there in sharing with such a being my immature childhood insights into the structure of the world?

“I knew that this world was created by someone.”

I had heard that there were many hypotheses about the origin of this world. Some spoke of creation, others of coincidence. Considering the scientific explanations that followed, the ancients must have contemplated the world in quite a torturous way.

But now it’s different. This world was created by the Savior Who Is One and All.<Creatures do love miracles.>

Star said, brushing aside the bushes with his foot.

<Especially with humans, you could say their advancement has always accompanied their contemplation of miracles. The more their civilization progresses, the broader the scope of miracles they imagine.>

Primitive religions develop into scripture-based faiths seeking certainty, which then evolve into sciences grounded in inquiry. And ultimately, it leads to the realization of the existence of actual Constellations.

“People tend to think of Constellations in a very religious way…”

I trailed off.

“But if the Savior Who Is One and All created this world, doesn’t that mean that everything is scientific, except for His existence?”

That would mean this world is like a test tube created for a certain purpose by someone.

“So as a child, I think I believed that the world was made of numbers.”

<Perhaps.>

Star shrugged.

<But numbers too are just something someone created. And we don’t even know why the Savior Who Is One and All came into existence. He once told Mikael and me that He simply came to exist. That’s quite similar to the great explosion creatures once believed in. The Big Bang, I believe? The only difference is whether the explosion can speak and think.>

“But still.”

I looked at Star.

My reflection faintly appeared in Star’s blue eyes, as blurry as the questions in my mind.

“If that’s true… why did the Savior Who Is One and All need us?”

The word “us” carried many meanings. It could refer to just Star and me, or to all the guests staying at the guesthouse, or even to everything in the world I perceive — and beyond.<I once had a similar question.>

Star spoke calmly.

<I wondered why the Savior Who Is One and All created me. Probably since I first fell and reached Hell. I think I pondered that for about five hundred years…>

Star smiled faintly and shook his head.

<For Mikael, the reason is clear. He was a devoted son. But for me? A being like the Savior Who Is One and All, or rather, my father, should have foreseen that I would one day point my blade at Him.>

“And?”<I stopped there. Even questioning it felt like dancing on the palm of the Savior Who Is One and All.>

I nodded.

But like Star, I couldn’t stop thinking.

“Perhaps the Savior Who Is One and All created us because He needed us… which means every element in this world is of some use to Him.”

Of course, I hadn’t forgotten my father’s death. I had no intention of forgetting it. I would probably carry it with me my whole life.

Was it a necessary death, or an unnecessary one?

If it was unnecessary, could I find solace in that? That someone’s ruined life was merely a result of chance, and thus, could be comforted as simply bad luck.

But if it was the opposite, if my father’s death had some minimum meaning to the Creator of this world, then perhaps that ruined life could be precious in that sense.

“I… don’t really know.”

When I meet the Demon God, what attitude will I have?

Will I feel hatred? Or helplessness?

Or will I ask a question?

‘Why did a being like you come into existence?’

<Creature.>

Star spoke in an unusually gentle tone.

<When you refer to the Savior Who Is One and All, you often call Him Father. Our Almighty Father, you say. I don’t particularly mind. He really is my father, and Mikael and I influenced that naming.>

But then.

Star continued.

<I don’t know much about human relationships, but… humans are curious beings. They are cared for by their parents when young, but eventually choose to care for their parents in return. It’s a relationship that cannot be severed even by death. Even after death, the child continues to care for the parent — trimming the grass around the grave, bowing their head to the tombstone.>

Thus, the dead do not go to the Savior Who Is One and All.

All life is like that. Your father’s soul belongs to you.

Star’s whisper tickled my ear.

<So your father is precious, naturally. Because you care for him.>

“And the Demon God?”

I looked straight at Star.

“Is the Demon God a precious existence in this world? Is that why you’re searching for him?”

There was no emotion in my question. Though it was a question suitable for anger, I couldn’t fully comprehend Star’s decision with my knowledge alone, so I failed to embed any emotion into it.

In the end, only the question remained.

Driven by a slight curiosity, I sought an answer from Star.

Was the Demon God necessary to this world?

That wasn’t what I wanted to know.

Was the Demon God necessary to The Star Hated by All?

The Original Sinner, who had arrived before me to apologize to his Father, the Savior Who Is One and All, had something omitted in his intent. There was nothing to feel sorry for, but he still wanted to reach someone by apologizing. That someone must be the Demon God.

“I’m curious.”

Taking a step closer to Star, I said.

“What kind of existence is the Demon God to you?”

<I don’t know.>

Star answered without hesitation.

<I think I pondered that for about five hundred years too. But I never found an answer. What the Demon God is to me… I really don’t know.>

“You can have things you don’t know too.”

I let out a small laugh.

“Even after living so long…”

<There is knowledge that becomes colorless after a long time. You know this. I was one who pointed questions at the Savior Who Is One and All. I fell without receiving an answer, and the place I reached after falling was merely a throne suited for holding tedious thoughts.>

But if there’s one thing I know….

Star murmured.<The Demon God called me Father.>

“Father…”

My eyes widened. The term shared between two beings I could never fully understand felt so familiar.<I once asked him why he called me that.>

Walking ahead of me, Star said.

<But my question was never resolved. To me, Father is only the Savior Who Is One and All. That’s why I thought I could never be a parent to anything.>

Star looked back at me.

The emotion in his gaze was ironically one I knew all too well.

<That’s why I can’t bear not finding him.>

But Star seemed entirely unaware of this.

<I know he has committed an unforgivable sin. As someone who has committed such a sin myself. And I understand why you have questions about me. In fact, I think it’s natural.>

So I….

<Why am I trying to find the Demon God?>

Star asked. I knew well enough that this wasn’t a question for me. Star was questioning himself. That’s why, even though I could have offered him an answer, I chose not to.

“Yeah. I wonder.”

I spoke nonchalantly, walking past Star.

“…Someday, you’ll find out.”

It was a small comfort. For the friend who had been with me all this time.

And I thought. Maybe the reason every being in this world has a father is because this world was created by a being suitable to be called Father.

I didn’t know.

But one thing was certain. The Star Hated by All, who once rebelled against his Father out of a slight curiosity, was now, as a Father himself, curious about his own role.

He had lived too long.

So perhaps it was time for him to receive the answer to that question.

Such a thought occurred to me. Surely, in the not-too-distant future, he would find that answer.