Little Pink Starfish

Even as I kept up an expression of admiration throughout the shoot, a question kept circling in my mind.

This song… is way too ordinary.

I had only heard the beat vaguely, but somehow, it didn’t feel like a “Rowen” song. The quality wasn’t great.

Of course, it wasn’t a bad song.

But there’s a big difference between “not bad” and “good.”

Knowing Rowen’s standards, this was the kind of song he would’ve scrapped.

“How was it?”

When Rowen asked me that—

“It was really good.”

—that’s how I answered, at least for now.

…He probably knows too.

A part of me felt sure that Rowen was aware.

That the song’s quality isn’t great.

So then, why did he let me hear it?

Rather than dwell on that question right away, it was more important to finish the shoot. It was nearing the end of the first day, and Rowen and I did our best to wrap things up while staying true to the program’s theme.

“Great work, everyone.”

“Thank you!”

The shoot that had started early in the morning finally ended late at night. After giving the staff a box of health drinks as a parting gift, Rowen turned to me with a question.

“How about spending the night here?”

“Really?”

I gaped in surprise. If I could sleep over at Rowen’s place, I felt like I’d even trim The Star’s claws in gratitude.

“It’s late anyway…”

Rowen looked toward The Star.

“It’s okay, right, manager?”

<It doesn’t matter.>

The Star said, glaring at me.

<I’ll come pick you up tomorrow morning.>

“Thank you. Please share these with the rest of Laurea.”

Rowen handed another box of health drinks to The Star, who then left.

<Stop grinning so much. It’s embarrassing to look at.>

The Star’s sharp voice echoed in my head.

<Well then, Mr. Eunyul. Thank you for your hard work today.>

On the outside, The Star’s tone was calm and composed.

Once even The Star had left for the dorms, only Rowen and I were left in the apartment.

“Want some coffee?”

He turned on the capsule coffee machine and asked.

“Ah, yes! Thank you!”

I sat awkwardly on the sofa. It reminded me of the days I used to visit Rowen’s studio every day before the first round of CYB. Rowen handed me a mug of hot coffee and crossed his legs as he sat across from me.

“Tired?”

“…I’m always tired.”

I joked and took a sip of the coffee.

“Today was really fun.”

Rowen held his mug in both hands as he spoke.

“I’ve been wanting to shoot a documentary with this season’s CYB winner for a while now.”

To be honest…, he murmured.

“I thought Iro would win. At least until the middle of the finals, I really did.”

That was understandable.

Han Iro had held the top spot all the way until just before the final stage. It was just like Rowen’s season, when he joined CYB as a trainee and never fell from first place. In the end, he had taken the crown just as everyone expected.

“I didn’t think I’d win either. I even stumbled once along the way…”

Even now, just thinking about it made me dizzy. Right before the final stage, when I thought I just needed one good performance to secure my debut—my past got exposed.

“In any case, congrats on the win. I wanted to tell you that face to face.”

“Haha…, thank you, sunbae.”

I scratched my temple with a sheepish smile. I felt so flustered I couldn’t even raise my head.

“By the way…”

Rowen narrowed his eyes.

“You heard the song I’m working on, right?”

“Ah, yes…”

“It wasn’t good, was it?”

I hesitated for a second and then nodded. Rowen gave a wry smile, as if he had expected that.

“I figured. Everything I’ve worked on lately’s been like that. I keep scrapping and reworking them… Feels like I’ve hit a slump.”

He turned his gaze toward the nightscape beyond the window.

“I never really believed in slumps. When people said they were in one, I used to think they were just trying to justify their limits. I guess I was too harsh.”

“You do tend to be harsh with people.”

I said with a playful grin.

“So… how about now? Do you think it’s really a slump?”

“Who knows? Every song I write ends up sounding terrible…”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“That’s exactly the kind of comment that sounds like a death sentence, Eunyul.”

“…Sorry.”

“Anyway, at this point… I can’t really say it’s not a slump. But the word ‘slump’ implies it’s temporary. Whether long or short, it suggests that recovery is possible.”

Rowen lowered his gaze.

“So rather than a slump…”

For the first time ever, I saw this side of him.

“…maybe I’m just done.”

I had never seen Rowen speak with such lack of confidence.

“Why do you think that?”

“As much as I hate to admit it—it’s probably because of him.”

He was talking about his father.

“I knew it was coming. I’ve still got relatives who call from time to time. I’ve been hearing that he’s in bad shape for months.”

But even then, he said he didn’t feel much.

Ignoring the man who gave birth to you might be seen as unfilial—but Rowen had never understood why birth was supposed to be something sacred. And he didn’t think it should turn into a debt.

So he had scoffed.

“He used to tell me: when you fall from a high place, it looks pathetic. So you have to climb high enough that you can’tfall.”

It was a ridiculous lesson. He’d let go of any attachment to his father before he even formed a proper sense of self. What reason did he have to watch the man die?

“But when he finally died…”

Rowen struggled to put it into words.

The look on his face said he couldn’t believe he was about to say it.

“I just felt… empty.”

He had hated his father all his life.

Never mind the havoc the man had wreaked on society—he was simply not a good human being.

He’d lived in isolation like a local lord, constantly indulging in greed. Each of Rowen’s half-siblings had different mothers. Just looking at the expensive clothes he used to wrap his decaying flesh made Rowen feel sick.

So because of that—

No matter what he did, Rowen’s father had always remained his adversary.

“That’s what a cautionary tale is, right?”

Rowen smiled faintly.

“Whatever I did, I did it with him in mind. Always thinking, I must not become like him. Not just that. I had to…”

Surpass him.

The man whose face he could barely remember had become his rival.

You could say his life had always been entangled in that shadow. Every step he took, he did so while being aware of the man.

He’s probably watching me, he would think—and then smile for the cameras.

He thought of that as the victor’s smile. Proof that he had escaped his father’s shadow and could now smile toward the world.

So it was only natural that he’d feel empty.

His rival was gone.

It wasn’t just about motivation anymore. He didn’t know what to aim for now.

“And so… I ended up like this.”

Rowen let out a dry laugh.

“The dead don’t come back. So I guess I’ll just stay this way. It’s not like I want him to come back.”

As I listened to him, I finally understood why Rowen was able to contract with Lightning That Whirls Like the Wind.

His hatred toward his father…

That’s what connected them.

“Sunbae.”

I gave a faint smile.

“I think… it really is just a temporary slump.”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.”

I nodded. I thought to myself, this guy’s seriously stubborn.

“You’ve just been set free from your chains. You were always dragging around these massive shackles—and now that they’re broken, of course it’s hard to walk normally. Your steps feel too light, so you stumble.”

“Maybe.”

Rowen looked away. He didn’t seem fully convinced.

“Trust me. Just keep going.”

I spoke from something close to conviction.

“Honestly… you’ve already won so much.”

“I’ve won a lot?”

“Yes. The Rowen I know has never faltered. I don’t know what went on behind the scenes, but as an artist, you’ve always been riding high.”

“Well… I guess that’s true.”

“So maybe that’s what makes this more frightening. But everyone goes through trial and error, right? Thinking this makes you irreparably broken—that’s just self-deception.”

“Haha…”

Rowen laughed quietly.

“You might be right.”

Saying that, he stood from his seat.

Holding his mug, he walked toward the floor-to-ceiling window and stared out in silence.

I simply watched him.

To see someone I always thought was far above me in such an emotionally cornered state—it made my chest ache. And at the same time, I felt a strange kind of resentment.

He’s been staring at his father all this time.

If so, then he probably never truly saw the people watching from below the stage.

Now was the time to face them.

I thought maybe his long battle had made him blind.

Looking down from too high up—you can’t really see what’s below.

Even if you can see far ahead…

Thinking that, I opened my mouth.

“Sunbae, I feel like this is the perfect time to ask a question.”

Now would be the right moment.

When it’s time to build again from zero, it’s only natural to revisit the past.

“Do you happen to…”

A name drifted through my mind.

“…know who Jeong Hangyeol is?”

Silence.

Rowen kept his back turned to me for a while.

“…Jeong Hangyeol?”

He finally spoke, his voice trembling with disbelief.

“Why…?”

He turned toward me, and his expression was on the verge of breaking.

“…Why?”

With a face about to shatter, Rowen didn’t answer with words—but with another question.

Clang.

The mug slipped from Rowen’s hand and hit the floor.

“Why that name…?”

His body trembled violently as he spoke.

“Why is that name… only coming back to me now?”