Little Pink Starfish

Heaven Help the Bandits on the Road

All kinds of meaningful (or just plain baffled) looks turned toward Xiaozhuang.

Hugging Xiong Da, who was flopped over in front of him, Xiaozhuang said to Gu Xinglang, “Prince Consort, help me remember what Miss Qian just said.”

Gu Xinglang felt like he’d been kicked in the head by a donkey. Why should he get involved in this nonsense?

Yu Xiaoxiao looked ahead at the straight road stretching before them and shouted, full of spirit, “World, here I come!”

“Wahhh—”

A baby, cradled in his mother’s arms by the roadside, burst into tears at her sudden cry.

Yu Xiaoxiao turned her blank face toward the baby. Her expression was so “serious” that she startled the baby’s older brother into tears as well. With both kids crying, their mother looked like she might cry too.

“I’ll give you candy, so please stop crying,” Yu Xiaoxiao tried to make amends. She wanted to conquer the world, not scare a mother and her children into a breakdown.

“Waaah waaah—!”

The baby turned its little butt toward her and cried even louder.

Miss Qian discreetly backed her horse away, suddenly feeling embarrassed. What the hell was happening here?

Just when the mother seemed about to kneel before Yu Xiaoxiao, Gu Xinglang rode up beside her, nudged her horse, and whispered, “Let’s go.” He was convinced that once his wife left, those three would calm down.

Yu Xiaoxiao asked, “Am I that scary?”

“Not at all,” Gu Xinglang immediately shook his head.

“I thought so too,” Yu Xiaoxiao said, touching her own face. “With a personality like mine, destined to save the world, I should look warm and kind.”

Gu Xinglang gently touched her exposed wrist. “Pull your sleeve down a bit.”

“Oh.” Yu Xiaoxiao didn’t feel cold, but she still lifted her hand obediently.

Gu Xinglang didn’t let her do it herself—he reached over and pulled her sleeve down for her.

Watching the two of them being all lovey-dovey, Miss Qian curled her lips. So what if you have a man? Is that impressive? Are rich men better? She turned her head and caught sight of Xiaozhuang, throwing him a cold glare. “Why are you walking beside me?”

Xiaozhuang kept his composure and replied, “Miss, you walked over here yourself.”

“Fall back!” Miss Qian snapped.

Xiaozhuang pretended not to hear her. Besides, even if she got violent, she couldn’t hurt him.

At that moment, Big Boss spoke to Xiao Wei. “By the way, what does ‘the world’ mean?”

Xiao Wei ignored him—just seeing this guy annoyed him.

Big Boss said, “Wei, I’m not trying to jinx anything, but I’ve got a feeling this journey won’t be peaceful.”

Xiao Wei finally looked at him. “You think your old buddies are going to rob us?”

Big Boss was immune to Xiao Wei’s sarcasm by now. He was the princess’s trusted aide and married. Meanwhile, Xiao Wei was still single. That alone gave Big Boss a sense of superiority. “Listen to yourself,” he told Xiao Wei. “With our princess here, who can rob us? Unless she’s the one handing out the treasure herself.” Sure, the princess was a bit of a blockhead, but she cared about money. Even if she were stupid, she’d never just give it away.

“Shut up,” Xiao Wei barked, then spurred his horse and rode to the front.

Daoist Tianxingzi was riding beside the carriage holding Granny Wang and the maids. He checked his fingers—same omen as last night: three words—not peaceful at all. The old Daoist sighed. He wasn’t sure if he’d get a chance to escape on this trip. Following this little monster of a princess, he always felt like he was doomed.

“Not peaceful…” the old Daoist muttered.

Granny Wang lifted the curtain and glared. “Shut it.”

The old Daoist instantly fell silent.

The young maids were wide-eyed with admiration. They hadn’t heard a word, yet Granny Wang somehow had. Amazing!

Back at the palace gates, Emperor Xianzong was preparing to enter.

Prince Yu rode beside the emperor’s carriage and asked, “Your Majesty, how are you feeling now that Her Highness is gone?”

Xianzong thought for a moment and said, “Heaven help the bandits on the road.” If any of them ran into his daughter, he dared not imagine the result. Maybe not rivers of corpses, but there’d definitely be blood-stained hills.

Prince Rui and Prince Yu exchanged looks… Just how did this idiot win the throne during the succession wars?

Yu Xiaoxiao’s caravan traveled for half a month. Along the way, they encountered countless mountain bandits, river pirates, and shady inns. All the underworld scum had their eyes on those 66 chests of treasure. Yu Xiaoxiao thought it was just like those little demons all wanting a bite of the monk in Journey to the West.

“Is this ever going to end?” Even the former pirate Big Boss was fed up. Standing before yet another burning black inn, he complained to Yu Xiaoxiao.

Yu Xiaoxiao poured the drugged water onto the ground and said, “With loot like this, anyone could retire. You have to understand where your old colleagues are coming from.”

Big Boss felt bitter. Could she not use the word colleagues? He’d gone straight ages ago, okay?

Gu Xinglang, his hands bloodstained, walked over and gave his wife a once-over. “Are you hurt?”

Big Boss rolled his eyes and turned to find his wife. With a princess like her, who could possibly hurt her?

Yu Xiaoxiao shook her head. “Xiao Gu, did you finish off the ones running the inn?”

Gu Xinglang nodded, took her hand, and led her back to the horses. The dry well behind the inn was full of corpses and bones. Who knew how many travelers had died there? Glancing at his wife stuffing candies into her mouth, Gu Xinglang decided to keep that bit of information to himself. No need to ruin her mood.

“Let’s move out!”

At Xiao Wei’s command, the group set off again.

Yu Xiaoxiao looked up at the star-filled night sky. In all their run-ins with bandits, she hadn’t fought once—not because she was lazy, but because she never got the chance. Big Boss and his crew weren’t useless, and there were still Xiao Zhuang and Xiao Wei. Even if they weren’t enough, Gu Xinglang could easily mop up the rest. The bandits always fell before she could make a move.

“Xiao Gu,” Yu Xiaoxiao said to her husband, who was riding beside her, “next time we run into robbers, let me fight, okay?”

Gu Xinglang smiled. “You’re actually hoping for more robbers?”

Yu Xiaoxiao blinked at him.

“Alright,” Gu Xinglang agreed. When it came to his wife, Gu San never had any principles.

Yu Xiaoxiao clapped silently in her heart. Finally! A chance to fight!

But as usual, reality crushed her dreams. Now that her Xiao Gu had agreed, not a single robber showed up for the rest of the journey. Totally not fun at all!