Little Pink Starfish

Thirty like a wolf, forty like a tiger

Seeing that Yu Laosi couldn’t handle his own daughter, Prince Yu had no choice but to step in and share with Yu Xiaoxiao the painful memory of visiting Zhuque when Li Xiaoyuan turned thirty.

According to his Ninth Uncle, even though he was a prince, when he went to Zhuque he was put up in the worst inn. When entering the Zhuque Imperial Palace, Li Xiaoyuan had humiliated him, had someone dig a dog hole and tried to make him crawl through it, and laughed at their Kingdom of Fengtian in front of his own ministers and foreign envoys. When Yu Xiaoxiao heard all this, she finally got angry. Damn it, even weak countries have dignity, okay?!

Prince Yu choked with emotion and told her, “Princess, that kind of pain—it’s the kind that pierces the heart!”

Yu Xiaoxiao asked, “Why didn’t you beat that old bastard up?”

Prince Yu looked up at the ceiling beam, clenched his jaw, and said quietly, “Ninth Uncle’s martial arts just aren’t up to par.”

Yu Xiaoxiao crushed a teapot into porcelain powder with one hand.

Prince Yu added, “This time, His Majesty wants the princess to go, thinking that with you there, Li Xiaoyuan won’t dare insult us again. It’s all because Ninth Uncle is useless!”

“You sure are useless,” Yu Xiaoxiao stared at her Ninth Uncle and said, “If you can’t beat him, why didn’t you poison him? Don’t know how to poison? Why not set a fire? There are so many ways to get revenge—how could you just come crawling back like a loser?”

Prince Yu looked at Emperor Xianzong. Trying to persuade this niece of his wasn’t easy, okay?

Xianzong said, “Linglong, if you provoke Li Xiaoyuan too much, he might send troops to attack Fengtian.”

Yu Xiaoxiao crushed a bowl into powder this time.

Prince Rui forced a smile and said, “Princess, Zhuque’s army is quite terrifying.”

This time, Yu Xiaoxiao didn’t destroy more porcelain. She suddenly remembered something—Zhuque’s tyrannical Empress also had a lover, didn’t she? The youngest Grand Marshal of Zhuque since the nation was founded… What was his name again? Oh right—Yu Xiaoxiao slapped the table—Jiang Zhuojun!

Xianzong jumped at her slap on the table. Was his daughter about to flip the whole thing over?

Yu Xiaoxiao kept thinking—how did Jiang Zhuojun get involved with the tyrannical Empress? She thought hard but couldn’t recall. That woman had too many lovers; their love story just didn’t stick in her memory!

When she raised her hand to slap her own forehead, Xianzong quickly caught it and said, “Your Ninth Uncle is still alive and came back in one piece.”

Prince Yu felt a little lost. Was his niece this angry… on his behalf?

Yu Xiaoxiao looked at Prince Yu and said, “I’m not distressed for him.”

Prince Yu touched his chest. What was this tight, congested feeling?

Xianzong waved his hand in front of Yu Xiaoxiao to get her attention and said, “Will you go to Zhuque? Your father can’t go. Your Fifth Uncle doesn’t know martial arts. Your Ninth Uncle said if he goes, he’ll die on the spot. Your little brothers are still too young. If I send a minister, your aunt on that side will…”

“Enough,” Yu Xiaoxiao cut him off, “I’ll make the trip.”

Xianzong and the two princes finally let out a sigh of relief—convincing her was exhausting!

Yu Xiaoxiao asked, “I’m going alone?”

Xianzong quickly said, “Your prince consort will go with you. With him by your side, Father will be at ease.”

“Just me and Xiao Gu?”

“Bring whoever you want from your own subordinates,” Xianzong said. “From the secret guards to the imperial guards, pick whoever you like and take them all.”

Prince Rui nodded. His Fourth Brother really did love the princess.

But Prince Yu thought, “Take whoever you like”? Why did that sound so awkward?

“No need for that,” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “I’ve got enough people. But what about my little brothers?”

Xianzong asked, “You want to take them to Zhuque?”

“That’s not appropriate,” Prince Rui spoke up before Yu Xiaoxiao could answer.

Yu Xiaoxiao asked, “Then who’s going to educate them when I’m gone?”

Xianzong wiped the sweat off his forehead. His daughter’s so-called “education” was basically beating them into submission or bribing them with food. Honestly, he could do that too.

Prince Yu chimed in, “Your Majesty, watching those little princes now, this minister-brother is truly envious.”

Prince Rui nodded in agreement. Thinking about how they were raised compared to the harmony among the current princes—it was like night and day.

Yu Xiaoxiao puffed out her little chest. That was all thanks to her!

Xianzong patted her hand and said, “Don’t worry. I’ll set aside a special area in the imperial palace for your little brothers to live together, away from the drama of their mothers.”

“They still need to see their mothers,” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “Not letting a mother see her children—Father, that’s just inhumane.”

Xianzong: …

Prince Rui and Prince Yu both curled their lips. Thank goodness she wasn’t their daughter.

Yu Xiaoxiao calculated in her head. Zhuque, then Zhuri… she’d be away for maybe half a year at most. Her little brothers couldn’t possibly turn from angels into devils in just six months, right? So she told Xianzong, “Fine. But you mustn’t stop them from learning.”

“I won’t,” Xianzong promised.

“I will come back,” Yu Xiaoxiao said, still threatening her clueless dad.

“I know,” Xianzong nodded, feeling a bit depressed—yep, she was coming back after all.

Yu Xiaoxiao then asked, “What about my uncle-in-law?”

“Wait a sec,” Xianzong said, “Who?”

“My aunt’s man. Isn’t that my uncle-in-law?” Yu Xiaoxiao wasn’t so sure now. Wasn’t that how it worked in this world?

Prince Yu suddenly wanted to go on this trip too. He really wanted to see Li Xiaoyuan’s face when his grandniece called him “Uncle-in-law.”

Xianzong choked on his saliva. After coughing for a while, he finally said, “Yes, technically he is… but your aunt is only a concubine.”

“So you sent my aunt to be a concubine?” Yu Xiaoxiao snapped. “Even if Li Xiaoyuan is her true love, you should’ve stopped her!”

Xianzong asked, “Stop her from what?”

“Do the math!” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “Li Xiaoyuan is fifty. My aunt isn’t even thirty. When he’s seventy, she’ll still be under fifty—early forties, right?”

The emperor and the two princes nodded. The math checked out.

Yu Xiaoxiao continued, “Even if it’s true love, what kind of sexual happiness can a seventy-year-old give my aunt? I just heard Xiongxiong say yesterday, ‘Women are like wolves at thirty, tigers at forty.’ My aunt…”

OH GOD.

Xianzong slapped his hand over his daughter’s mouth.

Prince Rui and Prince Yu were utterly dumbfounded.

“I’m going to KILL that Xiongxiong!” Xianzong pounded the table, roaring in rage.

The gang leader, who was holding Li Wan’s hand at the time, suddenly felt a chill down his spine. He looked around. Not a ghost in sight.

“Why?!” Yu Xiaoxiao yelled, slapping the table too. “So just because you’re the emperor, you can kill people whenever you want?! We were having a perfectly normal conversation. Why are you killing Xiongxiong all of a sudden?!”