Little Pink Starfish

The “Simple-Minded” Chubby Girl

When Yu Xiaoxiao reached the rooftop where the chubby girl had been left, the girl was already awake. She was sitting still, hugging her arms, clearly confused about how she had gotten on the roof. The autumn wind was sharp and cold, and the girl took a deep breath with closed eyes. Just as she opened her mouth to shout for help, she saw someone appear before her—Yu Xiaoxiao.

“Uhh—!” The girl choked on her breath, nearly passing out.

Yu Xiaoxiao grabbed her by the front of her clothes and lifted her up. “Don’t shout.”

The girl stared wide-eyed at her, and tears welled up instantly.

Seeing her reaction, Yu Xiaoxiao guessed she hadn’t understood, so she explained again, “Everyone’s sleeping. You shout, you’ll wake them. That’s rude.”

“I-I don’t understand what you’re saying,” the chubby girl said.

Yu Xiaoxiao frowned. What part of that was hard to understand?

“Are you a goddess?” the girl asked. The way Yu Xiaoxiao had appeared—like dropping from the sky—it had to be divine intervention.

Goddess? Yu Xiaoxiao looked her over again. The girl didn’t look mentally ill.

The girl stared at the hand grabbing her collar. If she’s not a goddess, how can she lift me—a body this size—with one hand? Even my big brother can’t do that!

“I’ve been praying to Buddha,” the girl said, clasping Yu Xiaoxiao’s hand in excitement. “I knew Guanyin Bodhisattva would answer me! You’re sent by the heavens to rescue me, right?”

Sent by Guanyin? Yu Xiaoxiao thought. I’m literally brawling with Yongsheng Temple right now and you think I’m Buddha’s errand girl? You might as well say I’m Monkey King’s sidekick—that’d make more sense.

“Goddess,” the girl said, “I want to leave the capital and go somewhere no one can ever find me!”

No one… like the afterlife?

“Please, help me rescue my elder sister and my aunt,” she begged. “Take the three of us somewhere no one will ever find!”

You mean kill all three of you? Yu Xiaoxiao decided it was time to do a mental check on this girl.

“What’s your name?” Yu Xiaoxiao asked.

“You must already know, Goddess.”

“I—” Yu Xiaoxiao gritted her teeth. “Now I ask, you answer. Understand?”

The girl nodded seriously.

“Your name.”

“You must know it already.”

Holy—!

Yu Xiaoxiao nearly chucked her off the roof. Second-in-command, you poor thing. Found yourself a sweetheart who’s not just simple, but possibly… certified.

“Please, go beg my sister and aunt to leave with us,” the girl said, clinging to Yu Xiaoxiao’s hand. Why does the goddess’s hand feel so human?

“Who is your sister?”

“She’s my sister.”

Is this person human? Yu Xiaoxiao pinched her cheek. Skin temperature and texture were normal. Unfortunately, yes, she was.

“I have money,” the girl said solemnly. “Goddess, what’s your divine title? I’ll build you a shrine and a golden statue!”

“Don’t talk to me about temples,” Yu Xiaoxiao warned.

“Then I’ll build a spirit altar?”

What the hell is that? Yu Xiaoxiao didn’t know—but she knew she didn’t want to hear another word.

“Goddess—”

“I’m not a goddess.”

“You are!”

“I’ll say it one last time—I’m not a goddess!”

“Goddess, don’t—”

Don’t your sister! Yu Xiaoxiao knocked her out with a slap. Second-in-command can deal with his own ‘wife.’

Meanwhile, the second-in-command asked Gu Xinglang, “Prince Consort, am I an idiot?”

Gu Xinglang had nothing to say.

Yu Xiaoxiao carried the girl off the rooftop and back to the carriage. Since Second-in-command still needed help walking, Yu Xiaoxiao had no choice but to toss the girl inside herself.

Gu Xinglang glanced at her. “She’s passed out again?”

“She’s mentally slow,” Yu Xiaoxiao replied.

Outside the carriage, the second-in-command asked, “Princess, what does that mean?”

“It means she’s dumb,” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “Anyway, she’s your wife. Dumb or not, take her.”

D-dumb? The man looked heartbroken.

“She insists I’m a goddess,” Yu Xiaoxiao explained. “I told her I’m not, but she wouldn’t believe me! Little Gu, she didn’t understand a single word I said. If that’s not mentally deficient, what is it?”

Gu Xinglang paused. Half the time, no one understands what you’re saying either…

“Hey, Xiao Er,” Yu Xiaoxiao called to the man.

“Princess, my name is Xu Wei,” he corrected her again.

“I know your name,” she said. “Xiao Er, I figured it out.”

Here we go again…

“She wouldn’t have followed you unless she was slow,” Yu Xiaoxiao said with complete seriousness.

Xu Wei thought about it… Yeah, a normal girl wouldn’t run after me. So maybe she really is just a little… off?

“But she’s yours now,” Yu Xiaoxiao continued. “Healthy body, well-developed—don’t you reject her just because of her brain.”

“No! Princess, I don’t even know her!”

“You don’t?” Yu Xiaoxiao looked at the unconscious girl and shrugged. “Well, then she’s doomed to be a lifelong single.”

“You held her! You carried her! And now you say you don’t know her?” she accused.

Xu Wei wept. We were running for our lives!

“You ruined her reputation, so you must—what’s that line again?” she asked Gu Xinglang.

“Take responsibility,” he said smoothly.

“Right,” Yu Xiaoxiao pointed at him. “You must take responsibility.”

Is this how arranged marriages work now?! Xu Wei protested, “Princess, she followed me!”

Yu Xiaoxiao gave him a mocking laugh. “Then why didn’t she follow anyone else?”

“Because there was no one else on the street!”

“Exactly. That’s fate,” she declared.

“Princess, come on!” Xu Wei pleaded. “You have to ask her opinion too!”

She’s mentally slow. What opinion?! Yu Xiaoxiao looked at Gu Xinglang.

Gu Xinglang said to Xu Wei, “Do as the princess says.”

So now I have to marry her?! Xu Wei was dumbfounded. All I wanted was to survive, and now I’m getting a wife?!