Little Pink Starfish

On What Kind of Woman Is Worthy to Be Xiao Wei’s Wife

With a crisp slap from the princess, even Grandmaster Chengguan didn’t manage to stop her in time. He could only lean in and whisper, “His Majesty is still over there with the Grandmaster…”

Yu Xiaoxiao pouted toward her handsome uncle. So what if Dad’s here? Even my big brother’s being used as a hostage by Mo Wen! If she could’ve crushed Wen Fenglin with a slap, she would’ve done it already—but no, she’d held back.

Though she hadn’t even used a tenth of her strength, Wen Fenglin’s exquisite, picturesque face had already swollen into a bruised peach. As for speaking to expose the truth? Impossible now.

Xiao Wei stared at Wen Fenglin’s face, twitching at the corners of his mouth. “He… he’s not dead, right?” With all five features puffed up, how is this guy even breathing? The nose was gone, hopefully the mouth still opened.

Yu Xiaoxiao replied, “Trash like this doesn’t die so easily. Damn it—I really want to kill someone!”

Xiao Wei added, “Princess, maybe it’s better to make him wish for death.”

Yu Xiaoxiao went silent. Why does this reliable little guard sound so sadistic right now…?

Meanwhile, Xianzong finally closed his gaping mouth and swallowed several times before calling out to his daughter, “Linglong! You don’t even know how to properly wipe someone’s face with warm water? Don’t try to serve others if you don’t know how!”

Whether friend or foe, everyone present fell into awkward silence. Is this why Princess Linglong turned out like this? Was she raised wrong from the seed stage?

Yu Xiaoxiao withdrew her hand and said, “Father, that assassin was completely inhuman.”

Ancestor spirits weep! Xianzong nearly collapsed on the spot. You were the one who beat Wen Fenglin nearly to death, right?!

Yu Xiaoxiao took the unconscious Young Master from Xiao Wei and carried him toward Mo Wen, saying righteously, “The assassin even disfigured the Young Master!”

Under the moonlight, Wen Fenglin’s face looked like a pig’s head. No one could remember what he used to look like. The destruction was… thorough.

Xianzong was the first to show righteous fury. “My daughter’s right! That assassin was a monster!”

“Exactly,” Yu Xiaoxiao nodded, staring directly at Mo Wen. “He wasn’t even human!”

“Indeed!” Xianzong cried. “He must be executed—his entire clan!”

“Clan? That’s not enough,” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “Let’s go back 18 generations. Flip all their graves!”

“Mm, I approve,” Xianzong nodded. “As my daughter says!”

“Mo—”

“Master,” Xianzong interrupted hastily, stopping Yu Xiaoxiao from casually blurting out Mo Wen’s name.

Yu Xiaoxiao clenched her jaw. Master? This is ridiculous!

Mo Wen finally asked, “Did the princess see the assassin?”

“The cloth,” Xianzong prompted. “Take off your face cover.”

Yu Xiaoxiao yanked her mask down.

Xiao Wei also quickly removed his own.

Mo Wen’s gaze remained as calm as ever, his tone unhurried. “You saw the assassin?”

“Think before you speak,” Xianzong hissed at his daughter. One lie takes thirty more to cover.

Yu Xiaoxiao thought her dumb emperor dad was overthinking it. Telling lies is easy. “Yes,” she told Mo Wen. “I saw him.”

Mo Wen continued, “And you caught him?”

“How could I?” Yu Xiaoxiao replied. “Even the Young Master couldn’t handle him. What could I do?”

Mo Wen asked, “But you weren’t injured?”

“Uh, I was,” Yu Xiaoxiao extended her hand.

The moment Xianzong saw her hand, his murderous glare locked on Xiao Wei. “What’s the point of you guards?!”

Xiao Wei, upon seeing the raw, skinless patch on Yu Xiaoxiao’s hand, nearly fainted. When did this happen?!

Mo Wen examined her injured hand. “This was caused by the assassin?”

“Yes,” Yu Xiaoxiao quickly pulled her hand back. “Even though I didn’t catch him, I still saved the Young Master. That counts as merit, right?”

Mo Wen said, “If you and your guard came to protect the Young Master, why were you masked?”

Yu Xiaoxiao replied, “That’s standard nightwear equipment!”

“Speak human,” Xianzong snapped.

Yu Xiaoxiao had to spin up another lie. “My nanny always said autumn wind dries the skin. I didn’t want to get wrinkles.”

Xianzong thought about it—sounds reasonable—and told Mo Wen, “She’s just vain.”

Mo Wen looked at Xiao Wei. “And him? Also afraid of wrinkles?”

Xiao Wei was stunned. How do I answer that?

“Of course,” Yu Xiaoxiao said firmly. “Our Xiao Wei hasn’t married yet. If his face gets ruined, how’s he supposed to pick up girls? It’s not like he’s a monk.”

The monks present: ……

Xianzong looked at Xiao Wei and told Yu Xiaoxiao, “Worry about yourself. If he wants a wife, I’ll find him one.”

That made Yu Xiaoxiao serious. Wait, isn’t that how I ended up engaged to Gu Xinglang?

“Really?” she asked Xianzong.

“I’m the emperor. When have I ever gone back on my word?”

Yu Xiaoxiao looked skeptical. Yeah, right.

“Your Majesty—” Gu Xingnuo tried to speak.

Yu Xiaoxiao interrupted, “So which girl did you pick for Xiao Wei?”

Xianzong’s glare returned to poor Xiao Wei. “What, you have demands?”

Yu Xiaoxiao replied, “Of course I do! She needs to be human, right?”

Xianzong nearly spat blood. What, should I assign him a dog?

Yu Xiaoxiao started listing: “Pretty face, educated, fertile, simple family background, and a little money of her own. Oh, and she has to have something in common with Xiao Wei.”

Veins popped on Xianzong’s forehead. “So basically, she also needs to speak human?”

“I mean, yeah!” Yu Xiaoxiao exclaimed. “If she doesn’t even speak human, how’s she a person?!”

Everyone looked at the princess. Half the time she didn’t speak human either. Where had this logic come from?

“What’s your point?” Xianzong asked.

Yu Xiaoxiao declared, “Our Xiao Wei’s a great fighter. His wife should be a badass too.” In the apocalypse, useless girls had no market. Who would marry zombie bait?