Little Pink Starfish

The Princess Gives Herself a Like

“Beaten to death with a staff?!” Emperor Xianzong took the embroidered handkerchief Jingzhong handed him and wiped his mouth. He shouted at Yu Xiaoxiao, “Would I do something that cruel?!”

“Heh.” Yu Xiaoxiao looked at her lifelong dimwit of a father. Who was it that threw her Gu family into prison? Who beat her Xiao Gu so badly he nearly died? And now this man was trying to act like he was some benevolent saint?

Xianzong felt a stab in his heart at that “heh.” He instantly lost the desire to talk to his daughter.

Jingzhong quickly explained with deference, “Your Highness, an assassin broke into the palace tonight. They set fire to both the Book Pavilion and a Buddhist hall, and they killed two palace maids on duty at the Pavilion.”

“An assassin?” Yu Xiaoxiao frowned. Besides her and Wuhuan, someone else broke into the palace tonight? And tried to kill her dumb-dumb dad?

“Yes,” Jingzhong confirmed.

Yu Xiaoxiao glanced again at the corpse. What kind of weapon could blow someone’s head apart like this? This world didn’t have guns. Sure, she had the strength to do something like that—but were there other genetically enhanced people like her in this world?

Xianzong, still standing with his back to the corpse, said, “Why are you still looking? Don’t tell me you know how to examine corpses too.”

Yu Xiaoxiao had recently learned that “military ranks” were what “xingwu zhi ren” referred to, so now she asked the guards lifting the body, “What’s a wuzuo?”

The guard responded quickly, “Replying to the Princess—‘wuzuo’ refers to coroners who perform autopsies for the courts.”

Ah—got it. Wuzuo was this world’s equivalent of a forensic examiner.

“Get the body out of here already,” Xianzong ordered.

“Wait,” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “Let me take a look.”

Ancestors above, Xianzong thought. She really can examine corpses?

“It’s just an autopsy,” Yu Xiaoxiao crouched down by the body. “Not a big deal.”

Xianzong closed his eyes. What kind of master did the empress find for this child?!

Jingzhong was trembling nearby. He wanted to stop her—but didn’t dare.

Yu Xiaoxiao reached out to prod the corpse, even pinching a piece of shredded flesh clinging to the trachea. She said to her father, “This maid, like Wang Momo, was fairly plump. Look at this piece of meat—so much fat!”

Xianzong turned green. “Do you have to talk like that about your own nanny?”

“Oh.” Yu Xiaoxiao gently set the flesh down and began pulling mucus from the trachea. She checked over the corpse from head to toe and said, “Her mouth overproduced saliva, and she wet herself. She must’ve been terrified when she died… hmm. Was the killer so ugly he scared her to death?”

Everyone around nearly dropped to their knees. Of course people are scared when they’re about to die! What does looks have to do with it?!

“Oh, sorry,” Yu Xiaoxiao added. “I forgot—this world doesn’t have zombies.”

What the hell is a zombie?! Everyone looked at her with pleading eyes, desperate for an explanation.

Yu Xiaoxiao shook her head to herself. In her past life, she’d seen plenty of people wet themselves from fear of zombies. But from fear of another human? That was new.

Xianzong, weakly: “I have coroners for this, Linglong. No need for you to do the dirty work. Why don’t we find a place to sit and talk?”

Jingzhong, pale and shaking, whispered, “Your Highness, this sort of filthy task shouldn’t trouble you. Let the coroners handle it.”

Yu Xiaoxiao glanced up at him. A eunuch looking down on forensic work? What kind of weird professional discrimination was this?

Under her gaze, Jingzhong steeled himself and added, “Your Highness, His Majesty’s been up all night. Perhaps you’d accompany him to rest?”

“You dumb?” Yu Xiaoxiao asked. “How do I accompany him? I’m a princess, not a concubine!”

“Shut your mouth already!” Xianzong turned around, trying to clamp a hand over her lips. He really didn’t know how to deal with a daughter who couldn’t speak like a normal person.

Yu Xiaoxiao easily dodged, then glanced around. “Hey—where’s my Xiao Gu?”

Of course, Xianzong thought with a pang. The palace had been set ablaze, people had died, and now his daughter was here. But who was she asking after first? Not her father. Gu Xinglang! “I don’t know!” Xianzong snapped. “Let him die for all I care!”

Yu Xiaoxiao turned to the young guard she’d spoken to earlier. “Where’s my Xiao Gu?”

Xianzong cast a side glance at the man. Why does my daughter always manage to ask the good-looking ones? Does she have radar or what?

The guard had been stationed at the Book Pavilion all night and truly didn’t know what had happened to the Prince Consort. He bowed and said, “Replying to Your Highness—I don’t know.”

Yu Xiaoxiao was currently holding the corpse’s right hand. At his answer, she turned to Xianzong again. “Where’s Xiao Gu?”

Xianzong snapped, “Why don’t you ask how your father’s doing first?”

What? Yu Xiaoxiao widened her eyes. He’s standing there just fine, clearly healthy enough to wreak havoc for decades to come. What’s there to ask? She dropped the corpse’s hand and turned to him. “I’m not blind…”

Clang!

Before she could finish, something slipped from the corpse’s sleeve and hit the ground with a crisp metallic clang—a narrow, slender blade.

Yu Xiaoxiao looked down at the sword. “So this mama had a weapon on her, too.”

The air went deathly still.

A palace maid serving the emperor personally, carrying a hidden sleeve-sword?

Yu Xiaoxiao, a clueless outsider, might not get it—but everyone else present knew: this was huge.

Xianzong’s face went dark as he turned to glare at Jingzhong.

Jingzhong was already kneeling, forehead pressed to the ground, trembling. Both palace maids had been armed with sleeve swords. By the time he’d learned it was these two who were killed, the Book Pavilion had already been locked down, and the general in charge wasn’t one of his people. Jingzhong himself had been kneeling under the emperor’s nose, with no chance to send anyone to retrieve the hidden weapons.

He had gambled on Xianzong not daring to look at the corpses. But the moment Princess Linglong showed up, he’d known—he was screwed.

“Search!” Xianzong barked, pointing at the second body.

The general stepped forward personally and began searching the corpse. Sure enough, he found another sleeve sword in the right arm of the second body.

He held it up to Xianzong.

The emperor roared at Jingzhong, “What is the meaning of this?!”

Jingzhong slammed his forehead to the ground until it bled. “Your Majesty, I—I failed in my duty! I deserve death!”

Yu Xiaoxiao still didn’t quite understand what was going on—but she could tell her dimwit dad was about to kill Jingzhong. So tonight’s palace break-in, arson, and corpses had a bonus effect? The princess silently gave herself a mental thumbs-up.