Little Pink Starfish

The Princess Says: My Dad Is Totally a Tall, Rich, and Handsome Elite

“Spill it,” Yu Xiaoxiao said as she yanked the bandit leader into a seated position. “Your true love hasn’t been touched by my dad—Xiongxiong, aren’t you super happy?”

But the bandit leader didn’t look even remotely happy—more like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. He jumped up and roared, “His Majesty made her live in the Cold Palace?!”

Gu Xinglang calmly corrected him, “Not the Cold Palace—Consort Li lives in the Buddha Hall.”

Buddha Hall? The bandit leader turned those words over in his head. That was even worse than the Cold Palace, wasn’t it?

Yu Xiaoxiao now turned to Gu Xinglang and asked, “I know what the Cold Palace is—Mammy explained it to me. But even if my dad were some night-long powerhouse, say, seven times a night or whatever, aside from these seven women, all the others would still be sleeping alone, right? In a palace full of women, isn’t anywhere that isn’t the Emperor’s bed basically the Cold Palace?”

…

The four men looked at each other. How were they supposed to answer that? Sitting around discussing this sort of topic—weren’t they just blatantly disrespecting the Emperor?

Yu Xiaoxiao added, “Xiongxiong, that was the good news. Now I’ve got bad news for you.”

The bandit leader almost coughed up blood. If “living in the Buddha Hall” counted as good news, then how bad was the bad news going to be? “Y-You’re not going to tell me Miss Li… d-died, are you?” he stammered, nearly choking on his own words.

Yu Xiaoxiao blinked at him. “How could you curse your true love like that?”

“Then what’s the bad news?!” the bandit leader shouted. “Can’t you just say it all in one go?!”

“Consort Li was disfigured,” Gu Xinglang said, though he wasn’t thrilled the man had just yelled at Yu Xiaoxiao. Still, he answered the question. “That’s why she didn’t catch the Emperor’s eye.”

The bandit leader froze, then his expression turned grim. “Who was it? Who disfigured her?!”

“How dumb are you?” Yu Xiaoxiao looked at him like he was an idiot. “Mammy said she was hurt as soon as she entered the palace. My mom never found the culprit.”

“W-What do you mean?” the bandit leader asked.

Yu Xiaoxiao said, “She probably did it to herself. With you in her heart, and knowing my dad loves beautiful women, she made herself ugly to stay faithful to you. What’s that phrase again?” She turned to Gu Xinglang. “To stay pure for someone?”

“Chaste as jade,” Gu Xinglang replied.

The bandit leader stood dazed in the corridor, his eyes gradually turning red, fists clenching tight.

Yu Xiaoxiao asked, “Are you… touched?”

“Princess,” Gu Xinglang took her hand and gently shook his head. Then he asked the bandit leader, “What exactly happened between you and Consort Li?”

The man suddenly dropped into a crouch and clutched his head.

“C’mon, tell us,” Yu Xiaoxiao urged. “Xiongxiong, I really think your true love loves you back.”

Xiao Zhuang quietly scooted next to Xiao Wei and whispered, “Shouldn’t we, uh… leave them some space?”

Xiao Wei rolled his eyes. They should’ve been gone long ago—but right now, leaving wasn’t an option.

The bandit leader finally spoke, his voice hoarse. “She was fifteen that year…”

“Ugh, come on,” Yu Xiaoxiao said. “You were into a fifteen-year-old girl? Beast!”

Gu Xinglang: …

The bandit leader, Xiao Zhuang, and Xiao Wei all turned to look at Gu Xinglang—Your Highness married the princess when she was thirteen. What level of beast are you?

“Let him finish,” Gu Xinglang said, patting Yu Xiaoxiao’s hand.

“We’re not the same,” Yu Xiaoxiao muttered to him.

“What’s the difference?” asked the bandit leader.

“We got married to survive,” Yu Xiaoxiao replied, full of conviction.

The bandit leader scoffed. “Wasn’t it the prince consort who needed to survive?”

“He is my life,” Yu Xiaoxiao said, her words firm and clear. Asking her to relive her life as a tyrannical empress? She’d rather go back to the apocalypse and keep playing dodgeball with zombies.

Her words stunned the bandit leader.

Gu Xinglang’s grip tightened on her hand. He wanted to say something, but in the end, just gently rubbed the back of hers. This woman—was his life, too.

“So, yeah,” Yu Xiaoxiao said to the bandit leader, “carry on.”

The bandit leader recounted his tale: a military miss on her way to burn incense, ambushed by bandits, saved by another group of bandits. The two fell in love. But later, the girl was sent to the imperial palace by her family, and he, the bandit, was defeated by her kin and forced to flee.

After hearing it all, Yu Xiaoxiao turned to Gu Xinglang, utterly confused. “How did Li Xiaomei fall in love with a bandit?” Law-abiding citizens everywhere must feel crushed. You follow the rules, and still lose to a bandit?

Gu Xinglang looked down at the squatting bandit leader. Matters of the heart—only the people involved would ever understand.

Yu Xiaoxiao thought hard but was still confused. “I’ve seen your, um, you know. If we’re talking big equipment, I mean—mmph!”

The prince consort raised his hand to cover her mouth.

“Big what?” the bandit leader asked, dumbfounded. “What equipment?”

“Shut up!” Gu Xinglang snapped. “Is what you said all true?”

“At this point, why would I lie?” the bandit leader replied.

“Some things, just tell me alone,” Gu Xinglang leaned in close and whispered to Yu Xiaoxiao. “No need to let others hear, okay?”

Yu Xiaoxiao touched her ear—so this was what they called “pillow talk” power. Her little Gu’s whispers were melting her bones. “Alright,” she said, pressing a finger to his lips and whispering back, “You’ve got the size and the skills—mwah~”

Gu Xinglang’s handsome face turned crimson. He didn’t need to ask what “mwah” meant—he knew.

The bandit leader stared dumbly at the pair, then erupted in fury. He was out here heartbroken, and these two lovebirds were flirting in front of him?!

Xiao Wei figured it was a good time to let the prince and princess head inside and have some privacy. “Princess, Prince Consort, I’ll escort Xiongxiong back now.”

The bandit leader turned to Gu Xinglang with a cold smile. “Prince Consort, must be tough for you, huh? If you were truly thinking of your brothers, you’d have killed me by now. You haven’t touched me—is it because you still want to use me?”

Gu Xinglang looked him in the eye. Moments ago, he’d been a bashful boy blushing in front of his wife. Now, he was ice-cold. “My elder brother respects you for stealing from the rich to give to the poor. That’s why he wanted to spare you. Don’t mistake kindness for weakness, Xiongxiong.”

The bandit leader didn’t believe a word of it. These officials, these so-called noble families—weren’t they all in bed with each other? Would the Gu family really go against the Li family for him?

“You misunderstand Yuanle,” Gu Xinglang said. “He doesn’t hold much resentment toward you.”

“Don’t talk to me about him,” the bandit leader snapped. “That despicable man sold his sister for power!”

“Watch your mouth!” Yu Xiaoxiao lunged and slapped him across the face. “My dad is the Emperor—do you understand that? He’s good-looking, powerful, and loaded. A total tall, rich, handsome elite. Sure, he’s a bit older than you, but these days, girls crushing on uncles are everywhere. Your true love just happened to be loyal to a fault. You really think you can compete with my dad?”

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Pinky dit: JE SUIS LE CONFUSED. The numbers are wackyyyyyyyy I dunnnnooooooo whyyyyyyy 😦