Little Pink Starfish

Even after entering the auction house, Gu Bai was still in a foul mood.
Why did auctions in these Western fantasy stories always have it out for elves? Always auctioning elves, always saving them for the grand finale—yeah yeah, elves are pretty and eye-catching, got it! But could you maybe protect endangered species just a tiny bit, huh!?

The entire elven race only had a population of, like, just over a hundred thousand. They were already teetering on the edge of extinction! A single plague could wipe them out, okay?!
And you’re still out here catching and catching and catching!
Annoying!

Qiguan Rui softly whispered beside him: “Why is gege worrying about others? Isn’t it enough to just think about Xiaoshan?”

Gu Bai: “Dignity.”
Ever since laozi got turned into this damn wu wang, there hadn’t been a single missing elf report filed! Everyone was just living all cute and fluffy—where the hell did this elf for auction come from?! Unless someone’s been secretly covering up missing elves from him—this was straight-up a challenge to his royal authority!

Unforgivable.

Qiguan Rui understood instantly.

His smile turned even gentler. “Since gege is unhappy, then let’s just get rid of this auction, okay?” He tilted his head slightly, his youthful, exquisite features glowing almost luminously. “Gege just has to give the order—Xiaoshan will make your wish come true, okay?”

Gu Bai: “……”

Low profile. Dead pervert, repeat that in your heart a hundred times right now—damn it!

Qiguan Rui, seeing that Gu Bai had no intention of wiping out the entire auction house, could only helplessly shrug.
Fine, if gege doesn’t want to, then so be it. Anyway, whether he killed them now or not didn’t matter. This kind of trash wasn’t even worth gege’s effort. If they ever dared mess with him later, just crush them then.

For now, watching the elf auction with gege was more important…
This was probably one of those lost, long-separated elves who hadn’t returned to the race in ages.

Even though the two wore wide-brimmed hats to cover their elven features, their devastatingly beautiful faces and obviously noble bearing made it clear: no matter how much someone drooled over their looks, these two were not to be messed with.

So in the end, no one dared mess with them, and they smoothly entered a private box.

From here, the magical projection screen enlarged the stage below. Every living auction item could be seen clearly in every detail. If someone wanted to place a bid, they just had to speak into the magical amplifier next to them.

Although this sounded quite “otherworldly,” Gu Bai couldn’t help but feel it had that whole “wow, high-tech” vibe.

—Damn it, it was basically high-tech. “Magic explains everything,” right?

On stage, the auctioned items were paraded out one by one, stirring wave after wave of excitement. The people below were yelling red-faced, veins popping, while the middle-aged auctioneer was flushed, hammering in big profits for his auction house.

Truly exhilarating!

The atmosphere grew hotter and the time dragged on…

That was when the auctioneer suddenly revealed a sleazy grin.

Truly sleazy. The kind that oozed perviness and made people want to call the cops.

Gu Bai: Holy crap, so ugly!
Eye damage MAX!
Qiguan Rui gently covered his eyes for him.
Then, he leaned in and sucked on Gu Bai’s earlobe.

Gu Bai: “……”

Damn it, every time this dead pervert got all clingy and tender, he’d immediately go back to being a horny freak. Could he please let laozi’s touched emotions last more than two seconds!?

Tired. Very collapsed.

Just as Gu Bai was too speechless to respond, the sleazy auctioneer clapped loudly, and a huge cage was pushed in from the back.

Inside the cage… was a pair of snow-white-skinned, black-haired, emerald-eyed… catgirl sisters.

Here we go!
Next to elves, the most commonly auctioned race—beastkin! Especially catfolk and foxfolk.
Busy busy busy… er no, popular, that’s what I meant!

Always lots of screentime!

It was just that their [BEEP] level wasn’t as high as elves’, so they usually didn’t get the finale slot. But they were definitely the darlings of the auction house and the preferred targets of slave-hunting parties!

Still, the shame factor for these beastkin wasn’t as heavy.

Because catfolk and foxfolk always carried that stereotype of being hot-blooded, flirtatious, and sexy—while elves were associated with purity, nobility, and arrogance.

Hence, the latter fetched higher prices.

#Humans are all masochists#

Gu Bai stared blankly at the auction stage, silently thinking:
Yep, definitely a harem novel. Even the beastkin being auctioned were sisters.
If this were a danmei—oops, I mean pure love story—they’d have definitely turned into a brother-sister pair instead. Or hell, why not straight-up make them brothers.

#Authors always stay up-to-date with trends#

As for these two sisters, once pushed out in the cage, their little black ears and long, flexible tails, paired with their half-bare bodies, gave off a vibe of seductive innocence. Their faces were tinged with blush, their eyes half-lidded and sultry.

At this point, no one was listening to the auctioneer’s pitch anymore.
Everyone had only one thing in mind:

What’s the starting bid for these beastkin sisters?!

Gu Bai facepalmed helplessly.

Hey, you two catgirl sisters over there!
If you really don’t want to be auctioned off, stop throwing flirtatious glances around! It seriously looks like you’re trying to boost your own market value—how to even deal with that?!

Qiguan Rui murmured beside him: “Gege, they’re half-beasts of the Moon Cat Tribe… Watch, the person who buys them will probably—won’t last more than a year…”

Which just proves: all lustful men get bad endings!
And dead pervert, stop acting all hands-on and knowledgeable if you don’t even have the hardware for it right now!

Pot, meet kettle.

As the “kettle” in this analogy, Gu Bai lit yet another [candle] for himself in his heart.

Of course, he didn’t forget to light an entire row for the horny pervert who could only grope and not do anything else.

Soon, the two catgirls were bought by a wealthy nouveau riche with a ruddy face and average looks—clearly a man used to indulgence. The price was high enough to make a bunch of minor nobles feel physical pain, but for a loaded tycoon like him, it was nothing.

It was all about style. All about the thrill!

As for Gu Bai?

He watched as the Moon Cat sisters’ faces turned pale, a single pitiful tear falling from each eye… only for those same eyes to glimmer with lusty mischief right as they left the stage, one of them even licking her lips.

Gu Bai fell silent.

Maybe… he should light a row of [candles] for that tycoon, too?

The sisters, now completely unaware that their lives were already in countdown mode, were led away gleefully. And next came the penultimate item of the auction.

A stunning young girl… although her form looked just a little strange.

She had… a long, deep-blue fish tail.

A mermaid!
A truly beautiful mermaid, fished right out of the sea!
Fair skin, blonde hair, blue eyes! Totally stunning, okay!?

Only problem was…

Fish tail.

With a fish tail, how the hell were you supposed to pa pa pa, huh!?

So while mermaids were rare, because they couldn’t be used for that, they were mostly kept as status symbols or eye candy, not for… well, anything else. Hence, she was only the second-to-last item.

Still, tons of people wanted her!

The crowd got even more fired up. Tons and tons of people shouted their bids. The previously-excited tycoon got even more hyped — he had money! Money meant he could do whatever he wanted! He already bought two, why not a third, right!?

Gu Bai stared at the mermaid and spaced out for a moment.

That’s a mermaid princess, for god’s sake!
And you’re really gonna auction her off in this depraved world… is that okay?

Couldn’t they let laozi reminisce about his childhood fairy tales in peace!?

Also — just what kind of auction house was this?
Catgirls? Mermaids? And the finale’s still an elf? How the hell did they manage to get their hands on these!? Their network must be out of this world!

Just as Gu Bai was silently pondering the auction’s backstage connections, finances, and logistics…

He felt a pair of slender arms wrap around his waist.

Gu Bai: “……”

Slender. Arms.

Why did laozi always focus on that and replay it over and over in his mind, ahhhhh!?
So thunderous.
Dead pervert’s look this time was honestly too thunderous.
Every second felt like he was being struck by Ninefold Heavenly Thunder.

Qiguan Rui began again in his mournful voice: “Why is gege looking at that fish? Fish aren’t even pretty… Does gege like that fish more than Xiaoshan? Then should Xiaoshan go kill that fish? Just one squeeze—gone. Would be very pretty.”

Gu Bai: “Don’t kill.”

Qiguan Rui looked teary-eyed again [why do I even say “looked”].

↓

Okay fine, he unlocked a new skill.

Gu Bai: “Don’t like fish.”

Qiguan Rui looked even more aggrieved: “Then who does gege like?”

Gu Bai dead-fish-eyed: “……You.”

Qiguan Rui broke into a smile [not really tear-free].

After the two exchanged this “banter,” the mermaid girl was bought—unsurprisingly at a sky-high price, even double the previous Moon Cat sisters.

Moon Cat sisters: Damn it, we lost…

Mermaid princess: Mwah mwah~

Finally, came the climax of this auction’s climax.

From the elven forest!
Incredibly beautiful!
The auctioning of an elf!

In that instant, elegant music began to play.

A solid iron bed was wheeled out, and upon it, half-kneeling, was a stunning elf. Their limbs were bound with fine chains, tightly fastened to the four bedposts.

They had long, silky green hair.
They had blushing, delicate lips.
They had eyes green like spring leaves.
They had gaze as soft as rippling water.

They were playing a harp. Slender, pale fingers plucking gently. They looked back with a smile, and suddenly all the flowers of spring lost their color.

Everyone who saw them felt they were sacred and pure. That music seemed heavenly. The contrast of dark iron chains and bed with their thin clothes evoked a powerful sense of aesthetic cruelty.

Made people want to… take him away.

Yes — him, not her.

Gu Bai’s eyes widened by one millimeter: Holy shit! That’s a blue—no, male elf!