Little Pink Starfish

I can tell when my time is near.

I’m going to die soon.

And the proof is in what I remember—the memories coming back.
The warmth of my mother when I was a child.
The laughter as I played with my siblings.
The flicker of the fireplace in the room, the swaying trees beyond the window.

And, unforgettable—
That girl’s golden hair, her beautiful blue eyes—vivid in my mind.

“I love you… I love you. I’ll do anything—grant any wish you have.”

The man cries as he looks straight at me.

He kisses my forehead, my eyelids, my cheek—and finally my lips. I don’t resist.

What a pitiful man, I think.

Why did you fall in love with a man like me? You idiot.

I never once treated you kindly. You’ve always cherished me, and yet I never so much as glanced back at you.

And now I’m going to hurt you again.

“…I have a request.”
“What is it!? I’ll do it right away!”
“…Let me see her.”

I hear him gasp.

His beautiful golden eyes widen in fear as he looks down at me.

“Let me see Angela…”

How cruel.

Even I was surprised at how feeble my voice sounded. I’d never once shown weakness in front of this man. And yet, those words—so weakly spoken—stabbed deep into his heart.

A wish from the one you love…
But not for you—for someone else.

“…Please.”

His tears stopped.

His face twisted briefly in pain—but then, he nodded with a smile.

“…I’ll make it happen.”

What a kind, foolish man.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. Our tongues intertwine.

“Nn…”

I see the flames of desire ignite in his golden eyes.

“…Fred. Don’t tease me. It might affect the child.”
“We don’t have to go all the way… we can still hold each other.”
“…Is this your way of saying thanks?”
“……”

I don’t answer.

Instead, I seal his lips again and tear off his clothes. When I start pulling at mine, he grabs my hand.

“What, now? It’s been so long. And it’s the first time I’ve initiated this.”
“You don’t have to force yourself to accept me anymore.”
“Is it because I’m pregnant?”
“No…”
“Because I’m of no use now?”
“Because I love you, dammit! I’ve said it again and again!”

I know. Of course I know.

I know, painfully, frighteningly well, just how much you love me.

But I pretend not to.

“I don’t care… Just do it. Or do you not want me anymore, with this swollen belly?”
“…Tch.”

He pulls me close with force. My hand brushes against his aroused body.

“I’ve always wanted you. I don’t care about appearances. Even when we’re old… I’ll still want you. Forever.”

I fight back tears.

Why does he love me so much?
I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all.

“Fred, I love you. You’re the one I love.”

We sink deeply into the bed together.

His long silver hair shimmers, filling my vision.

“…Ah.”

It wasn’t about gratitude.

I just truly wanted to be held by this man.

“—!”
“I love you.”
“Wait… just a moment…”
“I love you, Fred.”

His touch, his whispers, the gaze he pours into me—all of it is so gentle.

“…Gus.”

I rarely called his name.

“Augustine.”

You fell in love with someone like me.

The name of this poor, foolish man.

Please… don’t forgive me.

I couldn’t let go of my first love. I couldn’t forget her.

When I heard that you and she would marry after I died… I was driven mad with jealousy—at you, and at her.

The man you loved is a terrible person.

I hated the idea of her being touched by you, and you touching her.

—That’s why.

I’ll hurt you both before I go.

Gus, I’ll leave without ever whispering love to you.

Truth is, I’ve loved you for years now.

I loved you too.

But I’ll never say it. It would be a betrayal to her.

Angela, I’ll die still swearing my love to you.

My feelings for you will never fade. They’re true.

I love you.

I love you.

That’s why, after I die—please support him.

If I show him even the slightest kindness—if I even hint at my true feelings—he won’t be able to recover.

So I’ll be cruel to the very end.

I’ll reject him until my last breath.

“Fred… I love you.”
“……”

Sweat-slicked skin touches. Gus kisses my lips.

“I… love Angela.”

His brow twitches slightly.

“From the moment I met her… my feelings have never changed.”
“I know. Even so, you said it was okay. That you still wanted me.”
“I’ll never turn to you.”
“I understand.”
“You don’t.”

You don’t.
You couldn’t possibly understand.

I love you. I’ve known it for a long time.

Too late to realise it—but maybe that’s for the best.

I want to tell you so badly.

But I won’t.

I can’t.

Because when I die… you’ll be even more heartbroken.

So I’ll stay the terrible man.

You’re kind. You’ll love Angela.

Right? …So—

“I hate you, Gus.”

My final words wound you like a blade.

＊＊＊

It hurts. It’s unbearable.

I’m drenched in sweat and tears, writhing in agony.

I search for my beloved.

One is holding my hand. But the other is nowhere to be found.

“An…gela… I don’t want to die… I want to stay… by your side…”

…No.
I want to be by Gus’ side.

The pain steals my words.

“You’re being silly, Fred. What are you saying? We’ll be together. You’ll be queen, and I’ll be your consort…”
“I… don’t want… to give birth… I don’t care about… heirs…”

If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, I could’ve stayed by your side. Always… by your side.

“Don’t say that! Oh, Fred… you’re going to bear the next king. There’s no greater honour…”

Angela, you’re still the same.

You rejected my proposal… because I was the second prince, not the crown prince…

“That was a long time ago… You’re the one who left me and became queen… You’re the one bearing the heir now…”

I never cared about being queen.

I just needed an excuse to stay away from you.
And yet, I let myself fall for that foolish man—Gus.

Come to think of it… where is he?

My vision is blurred. I can’t see anything but Angela’s tearful face.

He’s not here.

Even though his child is about to be born… he’s not here.

“Angela… I wanted a child… who looked like you… an angel…”

Not a child of that heartless man who isn’t even here.

“Fred… how could you say that…”
“You rejected my proposal… You said you wanted to bear the heir…”

I rejected him too. Lied and said I didn’t love him.
But a child born from someone like me… would never turn out well.

If they resembled him—they’d just be another foolish man.

“That’s ridiculous…”
“You’re going to marry Augustine, aren’t you? The king you wanted.”

I hate it. I hate that you two will marry.

“That’s not… Fred, that’s not it.”
“You said you wouldn’t marry me… because you wanted to bear the heir. That’s why I gave up! …Ugh—ahh—it hurts!”

A surge of pain turns my vision red.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

“Yes, I said that… but Fred…”
“Swear it to me, Angela… that you’ll bear the heir… That’s the only reason I gave up. The only reason I’m dying…”

I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

I’m scared. I don’t want to die.

Why?
Why aren’t you here?
Why is it only Angela?

Why won’t you be with me, Gus?

“I won’t let you die. It’s okay… You’ll be fine, Fred.”
“Angela… I gave you up… That’s why I chose to marry into Dias… If I couldn’t be with you, I wanted to go far away… But why… why… why…”

My consciousness fades.

Why?
Why aren’t you here now?
I have things I want to say. To you.

Please… I’m scared. It hurts. Be with me.

I don’t want to go without you.

—Agonising pain rips through me. I can’t think.

The figures around me move quickly.

The warm hand holding mine slips away.

No—Angela, don’t let go‼︎
Gus—where? Where are you⁉︎

I try to speak, but it won’t come out.

And that’s when I finally realise—
I’m going to die.

…I don’t want to die.

“Waaaah! Waaaaah!”

As my vision darkens, I hear a faint cry.

And in that one moment—my vision clears.

『…Haha. What the hell. This kid doesn’t look like me at all.』

Those final words—did they reach anyone?

＊＊＊

“So?”
“What?”

I respond casually to the suspicious man looking at me.

“What do you think?”
“Think about what?”
“About the king—who had a child with a man that looked just like Fred after he died and made him his consort! Even though he married Fred’s first love, Princess Angela!”
“Seriously, right? He acted like he was all devoted to me—and then went and had a kid with someone else just ’cause he looked like me!”
“Is that normal!?”
“Ah, you virgins just wouldn’t get it…”

The man bursts out laughing and chokes. I grin.

“Love and all that—it’s complicated. A little brat like you wouldn’t understand.”
“E-even I might’ve found love eventually if I’d lived! And for the record—I’m older than you!”
“Well, compared to me and Angela, that guy’s ancient… He’ll be joining us soon. When he does—I’ll beat him up. Call him a cheating bastard. And a heartless jerk for not showing up when I was dying.”
“Wait, didn’t you also love both Angela and the king at the same time? You’re in no position to talk! Maybe the king didn’t want to intrude ‘cause Angela was with you. And besides, you said you wanted to be with Angela at the end…”
“Still! If he loved me, he should’ve come‼︎”
“…That’s unfair. What did the king even love about Fred anyway?”
“My face.”

The man sighs deeply.

“Can I go back to sleep now? Tell God I want to rest.”
“If you’re gone, I’ll get lonely.”
“Not my problem.”

I hug him playfully.

“Stay with me a bit longer. I don’t want to be alone.”
“…I’m not him.”
“But your soul’s the same.”
“I’m just a memory.”
“That’s fine. Either way, you’re still the child of the people I love.”
“I have Japanese parents, you know!”
“Yeah, yeah. My sweet child… just humour me a bit longer.”
“Let me sleep alreadyーーー‼︎”

His voice echoes.

I laugh wholeheartedly, then look down at the reflection of a worn-out old man on the clear ground.

I’ll wait here until you get here.

And when you do—I’ll punch you. Call you an idiot. Demand to know why you didn’t come when I was dying.

To abandon my sweet Angela and have a kid with someone else—there’s a limit to how awful you can be.

I saw everything, you know.

Drunk and miserable in the city, losing yourself after I died—falling in love with someone just because he looked like me.

You’re the worst.
A cheater.
A pervert.
I still hate you. I won’t forgive you.

And then I’ll finally tell you—

…I love you.

Though only after Angela.