Little Pink Starfish

Yuan Yuanyuan spent an entire night writing down, in a notebook, all the various two-dimensional (anime/manga/game) male characters she had liked since she was a child.

Many people might wonder why such an intensely loser-ish thing even exists in the world… But to Yuan Yuanyuan at this moment, this notebook was just as important as the notes she used to take in English class — a matter of survival.

So even though this notebook looked like something a crazed otaku might create — something embarrassing enough to make anyone cringe — Yuan Yuanyuan still took it very seriously and wrote down every single point she could think of.

She tapped on each of the male characters with her pen, studying them closely and trying hard to figure out what exactly attracted her to each of them.

When a harsh question stares you in the face — if no one likes you, you’ll die — well, that’s when you really start taking things seriously.

Why is it, really, that people fall so deeply and sincerely in love with fictional characters?

Yuan Yuanyuan lay on her bed, still using her little 50-watt bedside lamp. She bit her pen while staring at her notebook, pointing and analyzing with the same face people wear when picking out vegetables at the market.

Okay, take this one for example. Sure, he’s got a handsome face, a wealthy family, and top-notch martial arts skills.

But! He’s blind! In this day and age, blind people have trouble even finding someone to date, and yet this blind guy — how, how does he manage to be so lovable to me?

Yuan Yuanyuan gritted her teeth at the name written on the notebook, an expression that could only be described as a mix of love and hate. She tried hard to evaluate whether her own charm could even compare to this blind man, and then angrily crossed his name out before moving to the next one.

And then there’s this one… Face expressionless, emotions practically nonexistent, barely manages to say a single sentence every six months — aside from his face, he’s got nothing. So why the hell am I so obsessed with him?

Yuan Yuanyuan thought for a very, very long time, even trying to convince herself… Is it okay if I stop liking him?

One second, two seconds, three seconds…

Yuan Yuanyuan shoved her head into her pillow.

Nope. I simply can’t do it.

…

See, these male side characters are just that powerful. They grab your heart and make you willingly spend money on them, make offerings to them.

If Yuan Yuanyuan were to “create” such a character herself… what would he need in order to measure up to those existing ones?

She started jotting down word after word in her notebook.

Tragic backstory, kind and gentle, determined, loyal and devoted…

Ice-cold type, yandere type, demonic beauty type…

Handsome, skilled, long legs, nice voice…

Line after line of adjectives and traits filled the page — like rows of dazzling products on a shelf, waiting for someone to come and pick them out.

When she finished her preliminary list, Yuan Yuanyuan looked over it from top to bottom — and was a little shocked to realize… huh? Her taste was actually kind of good?

Cough cough… But that wasn’t the point.

She flipped herself off the bed and found a mirror. Setting it in front of herself, she picked up the notebook and seriously began comparing herself to it.

— After all, isn’t there a saying: Would you fall in love with the gender-swapped version of yourself?

Yuan Yuanyuan scanned every trait one by one. Then she looked into the mirror to see how she stacked up.

Tragic backstory.
Sure, life had been tough these past couple of years. But as a child, she hadn’t experienced clan genocide, or being kidnapped and turned into a cyborg.

Her childhood was very average — just like every other kid’s.

Okay. One of the major heartstring-tugging weapons of male characters was clearly useless in her case. Cross it off. Next.

Kind and gentle.
Yuan Yuanyuan looked at the word, then at herself in the mirror. After repeating this a few times, she crossed the word out in red.

Sure, sometimes she had a soft heart.
But most of the time… she was actually kind of cold and numb.

Ice-cold type, yandere type, demonic beauty type…

After two hours of intense self-examination, Yuan Yuanyuan collapsed back onto her bed, completely drained.

She had no choice but to admit it — she was just an ordinary otaku girl. Nothing about her stood out.

If she were a character in an actual manga, she’d be the type who wouldn’t survive more than three chapters.
Maybe she’d get a dramatic death scene just before the end, giving the protagonist a heartfelt speech like, “You must try your best to live, or you’ll end up like me,” for educational value.

…So now what? Fake it?

Create a character? Invent some made-up “tragic backstory”?

Yuan Yuanyuan didn’t want to fake anything. To be honest, she didn’t even want to be involved in this whole thing at all.

Still, she felt that, as a woman, she was already more fortunate than most. She could list a whole bunch of attractive male characters and analyze the reasons they were appealing. If it were a guy in her place right now, he’d probably be at a complete loss.

Especially if it was a super-straight guy — his idea of boosting popularity would be stuff like getting ripped like a bodybuilder or maxing out his manliness…

According to Yuan Yuanyuan’s aesthetic, that would probably just make them die even faster.

Faking a character is actually a super unreliable thing — and Yuan Yuanyuan knew this well.

Even without firsthand experience, in this age of information, she’d seen plenty of showbiz stories.

And the truth is, the ones who rely on personas always meet the worst ends. Once the persona collapses, the wrath of betrayed fans will teach you the true meaning of fear.

Pretend to be a pure, innocent sweetheart and get exposed as a manipulative fake?
Oh, the joy of the gossip-hungry masses.

Pretend to be super knowledgeable and turn out to be totally ignorant?
Again, the gossip crowd eats it up.

Pretend to be—

Cough cough, let’s stop there.

Yuan Yuanyuan liked watching drama, but she didn’t want to be the one people were watching.

She felt that ever since Ji Qiu’s interview came out, this whole thing had turned into a giant reality show — one that broadcasted worldwide, anytime, anywhere.

Look at the celebrities still surviving in the entertainment world after all these years — even if they had a public persona, those personas were always very close to their true selves.

Playing yourself is less exhausting, and you won’t have to fear the lava-like fury of disappointed fans.

…So what would her true self be?

A broke, long-term shut-in who knows nothing about the demon world?

Yuan Yuanyuan put down the notebook and sighed. She walked over to the window and looked out at the people passing by.

If necessary… she might really have to fake a persona. One that had absolutely nothing to do with her real self.

A very dangerous move.

After all, Ji Qiu’s manga reflected people’s true nature even more than a reality show.

Yuan Yuanyuan sighed again, then put her notebook away.

…

“Hey Yuanyuan-jie, did you get a job recently? You suddenly seem kinda rich,” Xiaoying asked, surprised, as she watched Yuan Yuanyuan bring over a bowl of pork rib soup.

“Yeah, I did start working. But I’m definitely not rich — still as broke as ever,” Yuan Yuanyuan explained. “But at least this month’s utility bill is covered.”

“Oh, well, that’s worth celebrating,” Xiaoying said, accepting the soup. “With the way you’ve been living, I thought one day you might just drop dead on the streets…”

“…What kind of kid says stuff like that?” Yuan Yuanyuan rolled her eyes, then casually asked, “So… have you been secretly reading manga?”

Xiaoying clearly panicked. She immediately clamped a hand over Yuan Yuanyuan’s mouth and waved her hands. “Don’t let my mom hear that!”

“It’s just manga, right? Back when I was in high school reading romance novels, I had to fight countless guerilla battles with my mom,” Yuan Yuanyuan said nonchalantly. “What kind of manga do you like?”

“Well, right now, the whole class is into those popular magazines. Kan Manhua, Meng Man, stuff like that,” Xiaoying whispered.

Oh… Yuan Yuanyuan nodded and didn’t ask further.

She watched Xiaoying carry the soup into the room, ears still echoing with the sound of Xiaoying’s mom shouting last night when she discovered the ribs were missing…

After receiving her first paycheck, Yuan Yuanyuan went to a clothing store and bought several outfits. She took the long way home, snuck into her room, and stood in front of her small mirror, transforming herself and trying on outfits for a long time.

A face that drew attention — shifting through expression after expression.

Gentle. Cold. Happy. Sad…

After trying out countless expressions, Yuan Yuanyuan suddenly rubbed her face and looked into the mirror.

…The expression on her face now was the one she was most familiar with. Commonly known as… dead fish eyes.

Damn it… none of the other expressions looked as natural as this one.

Yuan Yuanyuan thought for a long, long time — long enough for her hair to start turning white.

Humans… why do we lie to each other like this?

In the end, she rubbed her face again and turned back into her original self.

She stared at the ceiling in a daze for a long time.

…Living your whole life pretending to be someone else. How exhausting.

Yuan Yuanyuan closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.